I Hate Summer!

There I have said it, those terrible three words. Right now its scorching hot weather and I’ve just born witness to a summer storm as if Thor had realised Loki was more awesome than him and was throwing a major tantrum…or Nero had come back in time!

All my life I have hated Summer, and if anyone is wondering I do not have SAD, (Seasonal affective disorder). I just openly hate it, when I still at Primary school I was in a play about Persephone and her kidnapping by Hades, and because she ate 6 pomegranate seeds she had to spend 6 months of the year with the guy, which is why we have Autumn and Winter…is so wish the little Demi-God would have eaten the whole thing. I played Demeter by the way, I was 7…and I was awesome!

So let me explain why I truly hate Summer

Summer brings Bees and Wasps, and guess who allergic to both the little buggers? Oh yeah me, not enough to kill me, just enough to bring the pain if I get stung, and don’t get me started on the other insects.

I’m photosensitive and heat sensitive, yes my eyes are painful to the sun…it’s not uncommon for me to wear my sunglasses all day, until the Sun finally sets and all I want to do is find shade or leap into a tank of liquid nitrogen, because if I get too hot nothing will cool me down.
Because I inherited nada from my South American side, (apart from the hair) my pasty white Viking skin burns…easily. Thank god for factor 50.

Even though I have fantastic people in my life, they all seem to love the Sun bearing down on them as they suddenly think sitting in the garden is the best thing ever, whilst I react like a Vampire, and by that I mean an awesome Vampire, not that sparkly thing in Twilight.

I do not mind that my beloved London is surrounded by Tourists; I like Tourists since they want to come to our city and to love it, like we do. I just hate the Tube in Summer, full of sweltering heat, straight out of Dante’s Inferno.  Also, I always seem to be stuck next to the smelly sod who had never heard of deodorant. Also anyone who wears Flip-flops on public transport, you’re idiots of course someone is going to step on your feet…because you’re wearing flip-flops!

The simple fact that everything you wear, sticks to you like glue, so at the end of the day you’re practically peeling off your clothes.

No matter how much water you drink, you eventually get to the point that jumping into the River Thames suddenly desirable because you are constantly dehydrated.

Let’s face it; Summer seems to bring out the idiots amongst the general population from the stupid fights in the street to the loud music, which you can’t get rid off, because if you close your window, you run the risk of dying in bed courtesy of heat stroke.

The simple fact that I cannot sleep because of the heat, no more words need to be said.

Men and the Barbeques, oh we all know this one don’t we, you go to a friend’s place and behind the barbeque there is a man, because a BBQ is a man’s job. A friend of mine who works in a four-star restaurant is regulated to the kitchen to make the salads whilst her husband burns the meat and act triumphant about it. We understand that you’re tapping into the evolutionary genes, back when we were hunting mammoths that he, who controlled the fire, controlled the world.

Heaven forbid a woman stepping picking up the tongs to turn the burgers. Hint: it’s not rocket science to cook meat, and witness the surprised looks that someone with XX chromosomes can step into the sacred cooking space and cook said meat. I’ve done it, and it’s made people nervous, because I’m not to be trusted invading the sphere of MAN.  As memory serves, I can vote, own a business, have my own income, and do pretty much what I want, but the BBQ is the domain of the XY’s. Evolution is an amazing thing isn’t it?*

So this is why I hate Summer, anyone else out there who feels the same?

 

*PS, nothing against men in general, I think you’re all awesome x

 

 

 

 

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Successful Abseil and Failed Comic-Cons

So here we are playing catch up, but on the 12th July I finally completed number 1 on my “Geek List” which was to do a Charity Abseil, and by some strange twist of fate it was the same location as the London Film and Comic Con at Earls Court. Sadly though I didn’t realise this in time to book tickets online, but came to the conclusion that I would be able to get a ticket there. Famous last words, by the way.

That morning, I got up later than I would have liked, packed my costume, since I said if I got my total I would be doing it dressed up, which was made up of things from my wardrobes since I never throw away anything. I decided to go as a Witch, drawing the line at green face paint, because even if it wanted to invoke Elphaba from Wicked, I had a feeling I would come across like Grotbags! And quickly praying to both God and Ganesh (an Agnostic, also worships a deity of the Hindu faith, more on that in the end)

Getting down there at 10:30 I met up with one of my best friends Peter and my boyfriend MT, and we started the process of queuing…which never ended. Now we British are celebrated for this, and it’s never too bad in a Comic Con Queue, since some of the best friends I have ever met have been in the queues, but it was the hottest day of the year, and it was torture, especially since I’m photosensitive. In the end Peter managed to get a ticket off someone, whose friend never showed up and at 13:30, and I was still in the queue, I gave up and went to the abseil.

Me with Skeletor at Comic-Con

Me with Skeletor at Comic-Con

The people who had been in there, were telling us that it was a shambles and it wasn’t worth it, there was no organisation, which was obvious as there was 10’000 people there. As always the autographs were too expensive, and since there was no one I had an overwhelming desire to meet anyone, I conceded defeat and went to Earls Court 1. And it was exactly at this moment that my foot, after standing around for several hours began to ache. Now I had the choice which was to take Tramadol, which was the only painkiller I had with me and hope my eyeballs didn’t melt, and make me lose my balance which has happened in the past. In truth the only reason I keep them is for when the pain is intense, which is often enough. Thankfully I also had my Deep Freeze, which managed to numb it, before I headed up, and found that the patchwork purple skirt I decided to wear wasn’t suitable, so thank god I was also wearing legging!

So here we all were the 14:00 slots, and it was a nice mixed group of very awesome people as I was suited up in my harness and we were escorted up, and then it was when I decided to get nervous. When I originally thought up my Geek List, admittedly I was feeling sorry for myself, with my foot propped up and was on painkillers.  Now the challenge is to make everything a reality, and I wasn’t sure if I was scared of heights or not. The only time I ever experienced fear was when I was in Holland back in 2011 and I visited the Nieuwe Kerk in Delft, and there is nothing more terrifying then standing next to a direct 100 foot drop and the only thing protecting you is an iron grill that only came up to your waist. So the moment we all got up to the very top of Earls Court, most of the team began to look over the edge to see the view of Kensington…I didn’t.

When it came to my moment I was that strange combination of scared, but also very Zen about it, and then came the lean over. I have abseiled in the past, but the last time was when I was 14 and in the Girl Guides, so 20 years ago. So I was on the platform, 70 feet below me was the ground and decided to look down, I knew I couldn’t quit since I had already been told that no one had done so that day, and no way in hell was I going to be the first.

I got my instructions, the way to hold the rope, to walk with the tips of my toes and then came the lean back, this is the scariest part of any abseil, the moment you step back against the wall take those steps and there is no going back, and because it’s me and everything in my life has drama attached to it, I took the step off, and my foot gave out. I am 70 foot in the air, and I’m dangling…thankfully I managed to right myself, and headed down, and it was awesome, and very strange crossing over the red bricks of the building.

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I think it took my about two minutes, but I’m not too sure as it was over in seconds and I was back on the ground again, and feeling fantastic, ok I am paying for it right now since my foot decided to bugger up again and as of writing this I’m sitting with an ice pack on my foot, a little gift of a Lion from the ZSL but was it all worth it…oh hell yes.

The thing about Ganesh.

Several years ago, I was with a friend in Southall who had some business with the Hindu Mandir there, which is lovely and welcoming building. Whist they were concluding their business I was talking to one of the Associates of the building, and confessing my ignorance of the Deities of Hinduisms. On a table there were dozens of pictures of the Deities, I was told to walk towards it, and find the one I felt the strongest towards and my hand fell on Ganesh. I was informed that he is the God of Protection and success and by choosing him, he was choosing to protect me. So at times when I feel like I need some help, even as an Agnostic…I ask Ganesh to give me guidance.

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Acknowledgments, 5km and the “Muchness”

So here we are in June, weather is getting warmer. Phil’s book is out, and I got a lovely acknowledgment at the start. Also the book is awesome, here is the link

In other news, my beta readers are still going through the book, and for a moment I’m getting some distance between it and myself. So when I go back again it will seem fresh, I’m also still drafting out the anthology and, of course trying to get my life sorted.

Speaking of life to recapture some of my “Muchness,” the thing I lost on the 26th September 2013. I decided to do Race for Life two weeks ago in Windsor, even though Katie my physio said it would be all right. In hindsight I really should not have done it, in some way perhaps I was hoping the moment I crossed the finish line, the pain would be gone forever the world will be awesome.

Also it was my 10th with my best friend Emma, even though we joked for years that on our 10th we would do a 10k…Yeah no chance of that.

We decided to take it easy and just in case I took my stick with me just in case, and thankfully it wasn’t needed but oh my god it was excruciating. I even had to stop at the halfway point, to put some deep freeze, and whoever invented it. I salute you almost daily.  It was our longest Race for life, clocking in at 67 minutes and alas when I crossed that finish line there was no transformation into a pain free life, but I now do have medal number 10 to add to the collection.

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Here’s a picture of us straight after the walk, Emma looks fabulous

Of course, the aftermath of this was, since my physio has advised me to take it easy, and rest it more. But because I’m too overzealous and stubborn as hell. I was at work, when I had a fall, my foot swelling up to epic proportions. Thankfully I have fantastic colleagues, who assisted me, but it was one of those “I hate feeling like this moments”. I don’t often get these moments, but I still get them but I have finally ticked off another number off the Geek List, I have finally walked my dog. I did it yesterday, and here’s the proof. Yes, that ball of fluff is my dog Jen taken on Botwell Common.

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Isn’t she cute?

So, thanks for reading and for those who are wondering since the World Cup is on, even though I’m not exactly a fan of the beautiful game. I do support Everton, but that’s because my dad is an Evertonian, and because I’m asked this question every 4 years. I’m supporting the country of my ancestors, the country of greatness, culture and sheer badassery…Denmark!*

Before I forget, I saw A Million Ways To Die In The West, and it is awesome. Here’s the trailer, go see it.

*I wish, next time guys, next time xx

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The “Three” Questionnaires, for Writers

The “Three” Questionnaires, for Writers

I saw this questionnaire on http://jodiellewellyn.wordpress.com/ and she was awesome to let me use it.

THREE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My name is Jodie.

2. I’m from London.

3. I’m a published poet

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Clowns.

2. Spiders

3. The thought that Clowns and Spiders will cross breed to create a race of Clowiders!

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Pepsi Max

2. Notepad and pen

3. Book

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Writing

2. Acting

3. Being a fully-fledged member of the Geek Nation

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:

1. Fire Fighter

2. Archaeologists

3. Explorer

THREE BOOKS YOU HAVE RECENTLY READ:

1. Raising Steam, by Terry Pratchett…currently reading

2. Winter Wonderland, by Belinda Jones

3. Wedding Night, by Sophie Kinsella

 

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WORKING ON, WRITING WISE:

1. Writing stuff for my second blog…more on that later

2. Editing my Christmas Story

3. Drafting my girls anthology

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. Get the dream to come true

2. Complete both geek lists

3. Dance an Argentine Tango

THREE CELEB IDOLS (or crushes):

1. Ron Perlman. My Geek Lord and Master

2. Masi Oka aka not the only reason I watch Hawaii 50, but the reason I never miss an episode

3. Tom Hiddleston, because he is marvellous

THREE QUOTES:

1. You grow up when you decide to do right, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts. Lars and the Real Girl

2. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

3. Always keep your family close; you never know when you’re going to need blood! Jodie Portugal

What are your answers fellow bloggers?

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Abseils and Completion

http://www.justgiving.com/Jodie-Portugal

Picking up exactly where I left off, so the weekend of the 4th of May to be exact I was in a play called “Music from the Movies”, from the group Singability. Dana Burton the creator of said group wrote the play and I was in the first scene as girl 3…which I thought was funny as in my family I actually am the third girl, and the fourth scene as a handmaiden…ok never been that in my life! The fourth scene was a lot of fun as it was a scene set in the silent era and everything we did on stage was a mime! It sounds strange to explain, but it was a lot of fun and admittedly the other three actors and myself were given a bit of a free reign on the characters so, even though I was small part in the scene, I also got a happy ending. Also very awesome treading the boards again, the moment before you go on stage, there is always moments of apprehension and the fear of screwing up. Once you’re on stage, everything is perfect.

In other news the book is finished, been edited, spell checked, run through Grammarly and now I have to give it to the beta readers to look through as well as sorting out the front cover. Feeling very positive at the moment about it though, admittedly I’ve only got the week trial of Grammarly as I’m still unsure of buying the entire package. But it looks pretty good so far and I really needed it because for some reason word on my laptop was set to American English, and not English English which I didn’t realise until colour came up as Color! That said I understand why we Brits evolved to keep the original spelling and pronunciation of words, whilst America evolved to pronounce things how they sound, not how they are spelt. It also doesn’t change the fact that any affection the UK or even Europe may have had for Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was severely diminished due to the overuse of the word “Candy” in place of “Chocolate”, even though it did bring joy to my heart that Charlie was so nauseatingly sweet that his eventually corruption into a second Willy Wonka would just be fantastic…speaking of fantastic so was Deep Roy as all the Oompa Loompas. And as always I’m getting distracted.

So my second book, what can I say right now apart from that it’s a Christmas Story and due out at the end of October? I am proud of it, and I openly maintain “The End” are the two greatest words in the English language!

With regards to the “Geek List”, I decided to tackle number 1, which was to do a charity abseil. Sadly my original dream of descending Battersea PowerStation will never come to fruition as the historical building is being turned into flats, which a peasant like me could never afford to live in. It took a bit of searching, but eventually I discovered The Charity for Civil Servants and their abseil off the Royal Court of Justice building. It was 150 feet, and I was so looking forward to it, until they called my 2 days after I booked my place, because part of the roof had collapsed and now the area was structurally unsound. Competed in 1882, and now the roof had collapsed. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if an element of drama surrounds me as the most mundane things becomes an issue…like getting off a bus!

Thankfully I found that London Zoo was doing an abseil for the protection of Asian Lions, which are awesome and there are only 400 left in the wild. So I’ve signed up for that, with the total permission of my physiotherapist of course. At the top of this post is my sponsor page, if there is anyone out there who would like to sponsor me? I would be really grateful xx

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A Zombie Crawl!

So here we are in May, and I’m playing catch up with my blog

First of all I took time out from what I should be doing and entered the Zombie Writers Competition for SFX magazine. A 1500 word Zombie story, written by a woman who knows dick about writing about Zombies! Of course I love Zombie stories, from Warm Bodies (which has the most adorable Zombie ever). Since the film was billed as a zombie successor to the dredges of fantasy called the Twilight saga. It’s a million times better and a highly recommended film and the DVD has some of the funniest outtakes ever. I would say check them out, but I’m going to post them at the bottom of the page. There is also Shaun of the Dead, the first of the “Cornetto Trilogy”, but not the best (that is still Hot Fuzz). Day of the Dead (of course, I’m not a barbarian) and World War Z. Even though the book is still sitting on my shelf, and I only saw the film because I knew Peter Capaldi was in it as a W.H.O Doctor, not that I need an excuse to geek out! But I’ve never really thought about writing a Zombie story, and I know that everything has been done, since after you read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, you know there is nothing new. So I wrote about the things I love the most, set in my favourite places in the world and explored a bit about how a zombie rising would affect the culture of said place. I’m not sure if it will be accepted, but I have to admit it was fun coming out of my comfort zone and trying to write a story in 1500 words or less.

In foot news, I am finally off my stick, even though every time I put my foot down it still feels like I’ve been stabbed in the damn thing. I know this situation isn’t permanent but it is so frustrating, as every time I do something, I have to factor in the foot. I’m not saying the titanium controls my life; it’s just this niggling thing in the back of my mind. Once again this has given the suggestion that I’m totally 100%, and I have to keep reminding people that I’m not. Though I did use it to an advantage a few weeks ago, by doing a Terminal 2 Trial day, since I realised that there will be a lot of passengers as stubborn as me and would refuse wheelchair assistance and I was still on the stick at this point. So my thought on the new T2, the first thing about an empty Terminal is it reminds you funnily enough of a zombie apocalypse, as memories of December of 2010 will attest to. Nothing more unnerving, the week before Christmas and being the only person (in sight at least) walking through Terminal 1, and the information tannoy is still operating. First of all T2 is deceptive, as it’s bloody massive! It’s amazing how they managed to fit so much stuff into such a small area, it sleek and there are some awesome shops, that I’ll be sure to hit it after a shift and on payday! Sadly no pictures could be taken, but the centrepiece is this sculpture called Slipstream, by the artist Richard Wilson, which is huge. Here’s a picture, though to be honest I prefer the dancing fountain at Terminal 5, because it’s always awesome to walk through it on the hottest days of the year, straight after ripping my staff ID off, whilst sipping on a massimo mocha cooler from Costa.

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With regards to my writing, I’ve finished my novella editing…and am now doing it all over again, because as I’ve mentioned before I want perfection with this one, and to pursue my ambition of reclaiming the “dream”, I did half a TEFL course in London, two weeks ago. By half it was a two-day course and being in London on my moon boot (I only use that when I’m going into central London) caused it to for want of a better word almost destroy me. Thankfully the TEFL Academy were awesome enough to let me finish the course in 2 weeks’ time, but more on that later.

About the “geek list”, more on that in the next post and in two days’ time I am going to be treading the boards in a play at the Compass Theatre in Middlesex.

Anyway I have to round off now, I have a rehearsal in the afternoon and it’s free comic book day, and the first time in years I can enjoy the bounty of free comics. Hope you all have a great Bank Holiday xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1S7rnzEK0Q

 

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Beta reads, Phil Norris and new ink

In the past few weeks I’ve managed to complete 2 of which has been dubbed “The Geekest List of all time”. Sadly Tom Hiddleston, Ron Perlman, nor Portugal the Man have found it and thought “Oh she sounds interesting, I would love to meet her”, even though I live in hope!

I’m still doing edits on my Christmas story, and also been doing a Beta read for Phil Norris who took the time last year to proof read “The Life of Spike” twice!  Now his new book is called “Life in the Fast Lane”, it’s a sort of Alternative Fiction/Steam Punk adventure, a genre which admittedly I have never read before, but it pulled me in with no problems and it’s just delicious.

Now how I met Phil is interesting because I’ve never actually met him. A while ago I put a blast out on the most popular Science-Fiction magazine in the country’s forum, to see if anyone wanted to read my work, and he responded. I guess it’s the marvel of the technological age we live in, where two writers can meet in such a manner. Well this is his blog, which I hope you all check out.

http://philnorris63.wordpress.com/

In other news, I’m finally back to work full time, walking more and as mentioned above started to complete the list, the first one was the walking up the stairs filmed by my teenage nephew Callum, who my first book is dedicated too and getting my third tattoo. This happened on the 14th March, and it was done because I had a wowcher voucher which I saw as a sign.

It happened on one of my rare trips to London, in Wood Green at D’Angels Nails and Tattoos and my tattooist was a fantastic young woman called Braxton. Now the tattoo I got, I’ve always wanted but as I was waiting of course nerves began to set in. The thing is about tattoos is that they hurt, but they are a pain that you choose to go through, the same with child birth or giving blood which I can’t do anyway until I’m 100% walking anyway and now have to wait 4 months to do it…give blood that is, not go through childbirth!

So here I was, the tattoo in the place I wanted and the needle was going in, and like always there is always a brief moment of “Oh my god, what am I doing?”. But then, to my embarrassment I got really emotional from the pain, which is even in hindsight totally ridiculous. It’s my third tattoo after all, the first I got when I was 19 and it took a deliberate year of waiting just to make sure I was ready and was more excitement than anything else at it meant I was a grown up. The second was when I was in my mid 20’s, so this is not a new pain for me, but when you get a tattoo, and your lying there with the needle going in you, and no way to back out.

Then you start to get very philosophical about things, there is no denying that pain had been a part of my life for almost 6 months, pain that was never my choice and something that just happened, and as I’ve previously mentioned a part of me disappeared that day. By getting a tattoo by choice and going through the pain by choice, it was like I was myself again, even though Braxton must have thought I was a right idiot!

But 3 weeks on I have a lovely healed new tattoo, and I’m not going to be putting pictures it on this blog or anywhere else. All three of my tattoos are private, but what I will tell you is that it is the symbol of the Sumerian mother goddess of the mountains, Ninhursag. Which means it is a symbol over 5000 year old, and those who know me, would have figured it out in seconds!

Oh and here’s also the video of me walking up the stairs. xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVM7iPWtZIQ&feature=youtu.be

Yes I put it on YouTube, because haven’t updated my wordpress yet

So this concludes the latest update of my so called life, thanks for reading x

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