So, today I finally finished my 50’000 word story for the NaNoWriMo, and it’s been strange, for the first time in my life I haven’t had the stress of work, or the little things that have kept me up all night, because I’m not at work, at times this is the literal break I needed, but never wanted and … I really miss work.
I miss my life, I keep thinking about the other Jodie Portugal, in a parallel world she got off the bus two months ago, didn’t fall, went home, had a shower, spent the Friday sorting her stuff out, and on Saturday after work went to Kent to see her boyfriend. I wonder how her life is doing. Is she happy? Did she manage to do the NaNoWriMo? If I ever escape into her Universe, I’ll ask her.
But the Christmas story is done, ok it needs an edit but it is coming out in October of 2014 so I have some time to edit it and start the collection of fantasy contemporary stories I’ve always wanted to write. So far in the last two months, I’ve had two operations, spent 10 days in hospital and last Monday put weight on my foot for the first time, and started my physiotherapy.
My Physiotherapist Luke, is fantastic and I’m doing the exercises he told me to do, but and this may sound strange, when the accident happened it’s like I disappeared somewhere. Ever since that day, I’ve been trying to claw my way back to being that person, but I’m not that person anymore, and maybe because it was my 34th Birthday two weeks ago, I just feel so old at the moment, and losing my “muchness” as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland, would have put it. There are so many things in life, that are key to my identity, and my independence is one of them, I went from the woman who travels solo, to being the woman who can’t walk up the stairs…I went from the woman, who loves exploring the city I was raised and basking in the history of London, to be unable to get on a bus to Uxbridge. And I know how lucky I am to have fantastic parents, siblings and friends…but having to rely on them or on anyone is too hard.
I know I have to be optimistic, and I have this appearance of being ok, but deep down I’m not, and I’m jealous of the Jodie Portugal who got off the bus and went home.