Other People’s Expectations

First of all Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Right now I’m trying to concentrate on walking, I can walk independent in the moon boot, and take a few steps out of it on a flat surface.

And that has led to people thinking that everything is back to normal, and now I can run marathons. But it hurts, and by that it hurts all the time, and the worst thing is…is that it is totally self-inflicted.

About two months ago I decided to stop taking painkillers, I got so bored of my life revolving around these green and yellow pills that I put them aside. Also for that brief moment that I was pain-free, life was fantastic and all was right with the world…and then I came crashing back to earth when they wore off.

End of the day, I had enough of waking up in the night, so mindful of my unnaturally high pain threshold, I decided to cope with the pain, and accept it and hopefully it will no longer exist…and that hasn’t happened yet, and with each step it’s like I’m being stabbed in the foot…over and over again.

But because I have to give the impression I’m alright, now people expect too much of me. There is so much I want to do, I want to go to Uxbridge, I want to go into my beloved London and I especially want to go to the cinema and above all I want to go back to work…but I can’t.

I know that this is a slow process, it feels like a minor miracle to have got this far, in comparison to the woman on the pavement I was three months ago, but I keep wondering when will I really be myself again.

And the worst thing is, is that people keep suggesting the things I should be doing, and right now all the above isn’t going to happen…and trying to explain the above is driving me insane!

But on a more positive note, I got the most awesome present from MT for Christmas…a Minion from Despicable Me!

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